How To Start Your End Of Life Plan

Sean Grant|

What Is An End Of Life Plan?

An End of life plan is a document which allows you to organise your affairs in the approach to and after death. 

It allows you to take control of how you’ll be cared for, your finances, important documents, funeral matters, legacy and much more. 

it can be one of the most important pieces of writing you could ever produce. 

The importance of such can be compared to the legal documents you sign to get married, filing the deed to your new house, or writing your own memoirs.

Idea Generation 

When you think of an end of life plan, what’s the first thing that comes to mind? 

Are you anxious that there’ll be so much work to do? 

Bewildered by where to start, or what to continue with?

Or are you excited to make your end of life just the way you’d like it? 

Everybody’s different, some people enjoy picking out their funeral music, whereas others dread to think about it. 

There’s no right or wrong way to do this exercise. 

Instead, simply make a list of all the subjects that come to mind when thinking about your end of life plan. 

You probably won’t get all of them (that’s okay!), 

It can be anything from wills, sorting out financials, funeral preferences or last wishes, to sorting out who gets what, or the kind of legacy you’d like to leave behind. 

The point of this exercise is to get you familiar with thinking about the subject. 

After writing down your thoughts and reading them a few times, your brain will automatically begin to create and collect new information that springs to mind. 

And once you’re familiar with a general idea of what an end of life plan may look like, it’s time to share your thoughts with someone else!

Taking Action With Your End Of Life Plan 

Once you’ve shared your thoughts with a loved one or close friend, it’s time to create a plan. 

This can often be the final hurdle towards achieving your objectives, regardless of whether it’s completing your end of life plan or something else. 

Why is that the case? f you’ve written out all the things you’d like to achieve it’s just a case of acting them out, surely?

Well, the short answer is it depends on the person. 

The final step of truly making change or working towards a goal is avoiding obstacles and taking action.

And don’t worry, this is completely normal, mental barriers towards progress affect everyone! 

This could be in the form of self sabotaging beliefs that you’re not good enough, procrastination or the fear of breaking out of your comfort zone. 

Everybody has their own challenges, but it’s important you look introspectively into yourself and find out what works best for you. 

Ask yourself some questions to find out what works best for you. 

Are you a morning person or evening person? 

Do you like to scribble notes onto paper or are you inclined to create documents on your computer, or online in some way?

These are a few questions you can ask yourself to find out how you can best address any productivity problems you might have. 

And if you’d like to reach out to likeminded people who are also passionate about end of life planning, you can do so today. 

Reaching Out To Others 

You can check out the Before I Go End Of Life Conversations Community here, on Facebook. You’ll find like minded individuals who will not only help you grow, but also will help you grow your end of life plan and bring relief, reassurance and rewards to yourself and your family.

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The BIG Method

Use the Before I Go Method to create an End of Life Plan in 10 straightforward steps – without losing focus and giving up!

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Ask What Their Understanding Of The Situation Is This is an obvious question when you think about it, but it is very often overlooked in these days of the medicalization of dying and death. The more common situation is that someone is told what is wrong with them, and assumptions are made as to what this means. In particular, the assumption that the patient wants to be kept alive (sometimes at seemingly all costs) can often get in the way of what that person may actually want. As a relative or friend, you may be in a better position to simply ask ‘what do you understand is happening to you?’ When I asked that of a friend who was dying in 2014, she said she knew she was coming to the end, and she accepted that. But she wanted her body to get a move on – she was finding the slowly drawn out nature of her death to be quite a challenge. She was also quite clear she wanted a certain medication to be stopped, and another started. Finally, she told me she had said all that needed to be said, and that she was ready to go. This conversation helped me to be with her during this time. Be Willing To Accept What Is Happening To Them It can often be the case that family members are the ones who are most distressed about their loved one dying. Hence the ironic situation sometimes heard of when the one who is dying ends up comforting the one being left behind. It can really help a dying person if you are able to simply acknowledge anything they want to say, accepting it without denial. This means you will have to come to terms with it yourself, putting their needs ahead of yours. It’s not uncommon for those who are closest to the dying person to actively want them to die, so that their suffering is ended. I remember simply wanting my late husband to be out of pain, and free from a body that just was not working any longer. I knew it would be difficult for me without him, but when you love someone, you don’t want them to be suffering, even if it means it will be harder for you. Listen For The Metaphors Often a dying person will ‘give a message’ to a close loved one, in such a way that only that person can understand it. Iit is often a message demonstrating their understanding of what is happening. Because I had read lots of stories of this happening, I was very aware when Philip told me he wanted to watch what had been his favourite TV show, Countdown. By this time he had been in hospital for 6 weeks, and had been told there was nothing more that could be done. He was too ill to be moved, so we knew the end was coming soon. He said he wanted to watch Countdown, a popular British programme focusing on numbers and word games. Wanting to watch TV at all was very unusual as he hadn’t requested this for the whole of the previous weeks. But when I heard that he wanted to watch ‘Countdown’, I knew he was telling me that he was ‘counting down’. I found this to be very comforting – the fact that I knew he knew what was happening helped me to be calm for the next couple of days as he became weaker and weaker, less awake and unable to speak. This is a time for tenderness, open hearts and respect shown to all concerned; and it is made easier when we are able to talk honestly and openly about dying, about death and about grief. It is only when those topics are forbidden in some way, or that we are frightened of them, that problems arise. Naturally conversing in this way is part of a good end of life, and part of any plan that is made for that end. I go into this in much more depth in my book, Before I Go, inviting you to start conversations now about this subject, regardless of whether you are caring for someone who is dying or not. The more we become comfortable with this kind of conversation, the easier it will be to accept what is the one thing that will happen to us all. Learn More If you’d like to learn more, and get your End Of Life Plan completed (If you haven't already) check out the Before I Go Method here. Also, if you’d like to check out my book Before I Go, you can do so by clicking here.

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