Knowledge Hub
When Your Partner Is Dying, What Do You Say?
Here’s an extract from an article I’ve just had published in NextAvenue.org. It contains many helpful suggestions for how to start and maintain a conversation when someone you love is dying, as well as tips on how to prepare well for the end, when it comes. You really are alive…
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Next Avenue Article, October 2018
“End of life conversations bring clarity and comfort” When Your Partner Is Dying What Do You Say? Article by Jane on Next Avenue: public media’s first and only national journalism service for America’s booming older population. You can read it here
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Zestful Aging – with Nicole Christina
A different kind of interview, covering how avoidance of this subject is not working as well as it has done
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What Happens When You Don’t Leave a Will
Aretha Franklin didn’t leave a last will and testament. What was she thinking of? Well, I assume she wasn’t thinking. Her lawyer is reported as saying he spoke to her repeatedly about having a last will and testament or a trust, and she always said she would do it, but…
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Silver Tent Radio with Debra Sofia Magdalene
Listen to Jane talking about positive aspects of death
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Positive Aspects Of Preparing For Death
Today, I’m sharing an interview on Silver Tent Radio with Debra Sofia Magdalene. Listen in if you want to hear: about whether your body is useful, or harmful, in organ donation what living wakes are what death cleaning is and when to start and much more! Click here to listen…
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Life Passion & Business podcast
This podcast is about Jane story it’s about that journey that she went on with her partner Philip, and it’s about what came out of it, and it’s about how you too can discover what it is about yourself that makes his life so valuable.
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Dessert Highland Discs – With Laura Bruce
Those of you in the UK will probably know of the famous Desert Island Discs on BBC Radio 4; this radio show is similar in format but crucially (and perhaps essentially in the colder climes of a Highland island, PUDDING – ie dessert) – can be taken with you!
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Breakfast With Erica – 12Radio
Listen to a fascinating conversation I had with Erica from Breakfast with Erica on 12radio.
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What Is a Body?
From Before I Go: The Essential Guide to Creating A Good End of Life Plan. Chapter 7: What Is A Body? In many Western countries, when you see a closed coffin at a funeral, it can be a shock. Imagining the person you loved in there is not always a…
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3 tips on how to talk with someone who is dying
Sylvia was becoming more and more frail. It was clear that, though in good spirits, her body was nearing the end of her life. She kept having visits to hospital, and had recently had a fall which had precipitated one of these. But how on earth do we talk with…
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What If You Knew You’d Be the Last To…?
What if you knew you’d be the last to touch someone? If you were taking tickets, for example, at the theatre, tearing them, giving back the ragged stubs, you might take care to touch that palm, brush your fingertips along the life line’s crease. When a man…
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Seven Reasons To Bother Doing an End of Life Plan
1. You fall ill or have an accident, having assumed that your next of kin will be able to take care of you. The term next of kin often means your nearest blood relative. In the case of a married couple or a civil partnership it usually means their husband…
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Why Bother Doing An End Of Life Plan?
Let’s face it, there is never going to be a good time to address anything to do with dying, death or grief. When you’re fit and healthy, the last thing on your mind is the end of your life. However, this is actually the very time to take your head…
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Wills, Weddings and Updating Your Documentation
The royal wedding here in the UK has been a huge topic in the media of all kinds these last few weeks. However, I can bet that hardly anyone has been also talking to Prince Harry and Meghan about a crucial thing that needs to happen when a couple get…
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What Is a ‘Good Death’? – 5 Contributing Factors
What is a good death? How can you tell what the person dying wanted? Here’s my experience when my husband was dying and 5 contributing factors that will help you increase you own chances of a good death. A good death? My husband was lying in the hospital bed. Drains,…
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3 Things to Do When You’re Afraid Of Your Spouse Dying First
It was my greatest fear. Having had no children, the thought of my husband dying first and me being left alone in the world was something I simply couldn’t bear. Even if I had had children, the idea of my best friend, lover, business partner and companion leaving me behind…
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Top Regrets of the Dying – How To Avoid This One
One of the top 5 regrets of the dying is ‘I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings’. Given that we never know when our life is going to come to an end, it’s a really good idea to not only express our feelings, but by doing that,…
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Text of How To Do A Good Death TedX Talk
For anyone who is hard of hearing, or who prefers to read instead of watch a video, here’s the transcript of my Ted X talk, How To Do A Good Death. There’s an elephant in the room. In fact, there’s an elephant in the room in every house in the…
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Bereavement Leave – It Could Be Possible This Becomes Paid
Paid bereavement leave from work? Did you know that employers are obliged to offer compassionate leave, but it doesn’t have to be paid? And yet many bereaved employees return to work well before they feel they are ready, due to financial pressures. Grief Recovery Method have launched a petition asking…
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What is a deathie and are you one? (The Groundswell Project Interview)
I had the pleasure of interviewing Jessie Williams of The Groundswell Project, based in Australia, a few weeks ago. Jessie shares her poignant and beautiful story that demonstrates her passion to this project, which is working in a similar way to Before I Go Solutions. …
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The Cosmic Elbow Strikes Again!
Ever heard of the cosmic elbow? My husband used to talk about this a lot. Life tends to give us little nudges, and if we don’t pay attention, it often gives us bigger ones. First of all, it usually is a prod, just enough to make us pay attention to…
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8 Pointers to a Very Different Kind of New Year Resolution
A very different kind of new year’s resolution: I want to let you into a secret (every year it used to be the same for me) – I would set a resolution (or several), think “this time it will be different,” and I would start well. Slowly, though, the…
Read Full PostMoving from Scared to Sacred
Moving from Scared to Sacred with Patty Burgess Brecht February’s interview in the BIG Interview Series is with Patty Burgess, President of Possibility with doingdeathdifferently.com. Patty is a friend and colleague, has participated on my Before I Go Programme and is one wise, wild woman (so right up my street!)…
Read Full PostWhat is a Good Goodbye
A Good Goodbye with Gail Rubin What is a good goodbye? Gail Rubin, author and speaker, tells us about the need to shop before you drop, the effect of mercury in cremated remains, and the link between self-esteem and facing up to the end of life. Plus a bit of…
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How To Answer the Big Questions of Death When You Are Alive
How to Answer the Big Questions of Death When Still Alive is the name of the latest podcast from a wonderful site called Death Goes Digital. I was interviewed by the charming founder of Death Goes Digital, Peter Billingham, last week, and we had a most engaging conversation, including what…
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Health: How To Make Good Decisions Towards the End of Life
How to make health decisions towards the end of life will depend on all sorts of things – not just how you have lived your life health-wise, but also circumstances at the time, the support you have around you, and the quality of your life at the time. I recently…
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Chocolate skulls? High fashion skeletons? Halloween or Day of the Dead?
Eighteen months ago I had to cancel an event in our local town because of complaints about a coffin in a window display we had arranged (read about it in my blog post at the time). How different this is to the natural celebrations that occur with the Day of…
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Taking a Child to a Funeral: Yes or No?
I watched my friend’s 5-year old peer down into the tiny grave. Surrounded by a group of somber people in the small churchyard, some sobbing, he was curious to see what was in the bottom of this hole in the ground. We were gathered to say goodbye to a tragedy…
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Record, Write and Relay Your Life, Right Now – 7 Crucial Reasons to Do So
Record, write, relay your life right now? Why now? Well, here’s a story as to why. Looking at my Dad lying in the hospital bed, unable to talk due to the recent stroke he’d had, I could only be thankful that some years ago we had had a particular conversation. …
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Celebrating Today
It’s my birthday today! What’s more, I have moved very definitely out of the realm of middle age, as I am now 60. Gulp. I know that age doesn’t mean anything, I know that you are as young as you feel (true!) and I love Wayne Dyer’s words ‘If you…
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The 3 A’s of Living a Life of Joy
1. Accept It took quite a couple of years to pluck up the courage to try internet dating after my husband died. At first even the thought of it was horrifying, and my first visit to a dating site ended after just a minute or so But as time passed,…
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Being Here Now
Last week I thought my Dad was on death’s door after his stroke, as did the doctors. So we have all been surprised that he is still with us, and even eating (this time last week he couldn’t swallow). I’ve been spending time with both him and my Mum but…
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Death At Work
A death at work is devastating in different ways from at home. If you run a business of any kind, listen in to this conversation as Sheela tells her story of what went wrong, why and what needed to happen to help make the situation better.
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Making Time for Dying
This last two weeks has been a bit challenging with my stepdaughter dying – those of you in my Facebook group will have heard this, and that’s also why I didn’t send an email this week. You can join here if you want to: https://www.facebook.com/groups/beforeIgo/ In fact, I am going to…
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What to say when someone doesn’t want to talk to you
How to talk to someone who doesn’t want to talk to you You might have a spouse or partner who doesn’t want to talk to you about end of life matters. It’s important for the person left behind to know what to do after they’ve gone. How can you start…
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Afraid Of Your Spouse Dying First? Open this…
The idea of my husband, best friend, lover, business partner and companion leaving me behind was unbearable. It was my greatest fear. Having had no children, the thought of him dying first and me being left alone in the world was something I simply couldn’t bear. So I didn’t think…
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5 Questions to Ask When Someone Is Actually Dying
Have you noticed we often use euphemisms about death? In my last blog on this, just recently I was advocating ‘telling it like it is’, and using words such as death, dying, die. But the fact is, when you come to meet someone whom you know probably has only weeks…
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Feeling Sad and Glad at the Same Time – Really?
Someone on Facebook said ‘my dad passed away this morning at 3.30am. I’m so relieved he isn’t in pain anymore. I’m so sad at the same time’. Is it really possible to be feeling two such strong feelings at the same time? Once upon a time I would have said…
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Celebrating in the Dark
In a world of opposites, there is both darkness and light. Hard to believe sometimes, when you’re seemingly locked in a room without being able to see the light switch. But it is possible to find it – to find light in the dark. And not only that, but to…
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How To Be When Someone You Know Dies
It’s difficult, let’s face it. Someone you know has died. Relatives whom you may or may not know will be grieving. You maybe are grieving, too. How on earth do you acknowledge this? Here’s an excerpt from my book Gifted By Grief: A True Story of Cancer, Loss and Rebirth,…
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What We Talk About When We Talk About Death
Pushing up the daisies. Kicked the bucket. Passed on. You name it, we have a euphemism for anything to do with someone dying or who has died. Is this us trying to deny it happens? Is it because we feel embarrassed or disconcerted? Is it because we would rather just…
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A Good Goodbye
Gail Rubin runs a wonderful website and business called A Good Goodbye based in California, the name of which tells you a lot about what she focuses on, which is one of the reasons I wanted to interview her. In our interview we spoke about ‘matchings, hatchings and dispatchings’ – a…
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Advance Directives: 5 Essential Things You Need to Know
Marie’s son was distraught. He had told his Mother he would have the doctors do everything they could – but now they were saying that they didn’t know how long she would be able to breathe on her own without the tube, nor did they know how long she might…
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What’s the News Hardly Anyone Wants to Admit To?
There’s actually not a lot that we can say we know for sure about life, but this is one of them. We get born, and then some time later, we die. Yes, it may be unpalatable news and uncomfortable at that, but it is TRUE! It really is. What’s…
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TedX Talk – How To Do A Good Death
In this moving and poignant talk, Jane relates her experience of helping her husband have a “good death” and what she learnt from the process – and how it can help us all prepare for that 100% chance – the chance that we might die some day.
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7 Practical Ways to Set Yourself Up For a Good Death
I never thought about death much, other than as a concept, until my husband was diagnosed with cancer in 2010. Then it made its entrance with a bang. Even though he was 65, it felt far too young to be contemplating death. We learnt a lot about each other, about…
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Moving From Scared to Sacred
This month’s interview in the BIG Interview Series is with Patty Burgess, President of Possibility with doingdeathdifferently.com. Patty is a friend and colleague, has participated on my Before I Go Programme, and is one wise, wild woman (so right up my street!) In this short interview she speaks movingly…
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Love Knows No Boundaries – What’s That Got To Do With Dying, Death and Grief?
Love Know Knows No Boundaries is a recording of a talk I gave to a wonderful audience at St Brides Church, Liverpool. I begin with a reading of the prologue of my book Gifted By Grief, so if you want a taste of this, listen in to the first few…
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What’s Grief Got to Do With Love? (Different From What You Might Think)
What’s grief got to do with love? Well, it’s obvious isn’t it? For instance, there is a very well-known saying from Queen Elizabeth II: “Grief is the price we pay for love.” Because we do grieve much more over those we love, than those we either didn’t know so well,…
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