We can relatively easily see that loss might hold a gift for others. But when it happens to us, in the face of unspeakable sorrow, pain or grief, it’s not so easy to see any gifts at all.
In fact the idea just goes out the window as you feel like railing against life, are furious with those that are still alive and kicking, or just utterly bereft at what has happened. Perhaps you feel guilty you weren’t there for your loved one in the way you wanted to be; or that there were things left unsaid – or even things said which you now regret. Maybe you feel unbearably lonely, desperate to talk just once more to your loved one, finding it impossible to not have them in your life any more.
In times like this, know that you may in the future find a gift, but it’s not right to look for it now. It’s too soon.
Instead, trust that others who are ahead of you in this journey will pull you through.
Trust that there is a lighthouse, shining brightly while you are in the stormy seas of grief.
Trust that someone else’s inspirational story can be that lighthouse.
And even if you can’t see the lighthouse sometimes, or have never seen it, know that it is there, steady, safe, secure, guiding you into safe and calmer waters.
The lighthouse IS the others who have gone ahead of you in this journey. Take strength from their inspirational stories; find solace in the fact you are not alone, even though you may be feeling lonelier than you have ever felt before.
Hang onto their experience and wise words, as if you were hanging onto a lifebelt in a turbulent sea, being tossed and turned by what life has brought you. Their stories will hold you buoyant until such time as you find the calmer waters, the relief from the swirling currents, the towering waves and the uncertainty of loss of direction.
Do you have someone you feel is inspiring for you, that is representing the lighthouse in your life? If not, reach out and find somebody. Maybe in the Gifted By Grief Facebook group, or another forum. Or speak to someone else you know who has gone through a similar journey – ask them how they got through. Knowing that lighthouse is there can make all the difference when you’re feeling alone in a black sea of grief.