Your Questions Answered

What It’s Really Like When Someone Dies: One Woman’s Story

By Jane Duncan Rogers | September 20, 2016

Thank God he’d stopped that awful rattling sound. Now his breaths were even, but with increasingly longer gaps in between. I knew this could go on for some time, but I was pretty surprised when ten minutes later, the gap just went on – and on, and on and on. And that moment – of…

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Cost of Funerals Rising More and More

By Jane Duncan Rogers | September 18, 2016

Cost of funerals these days is going up. No-one wants to know of course. Until they get a big shock (at a time when they are least able to deal with it). The 2016 Cost of Dying Report from SunLife Insurance shows that:     Just 1% know ALL the deceased’s funeral wishes 22% don’t…

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A Beautiful and Unusual Way to Celebrate Someone Special

By Jane Duncan Rogers | August 24, 2016

This is a Facebook post that was shared by Reid Tracy, CEO of Hay House Publishers last week, and I’m sharing it here because it involves such a very lovely and unusual way to celebrate someone – while they are alive, as well as after they have died. Not just that, Sherry Richert Belul, the…

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A Live Show About Death – and It Was Really Funny!

By Jane Duncan Rogers | August 17, 2016

Last weekend I spent a day at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival – I went down especially to see a performance by the woman who is organizing the KickingTheBucket Festival in Oxford later this year (where I am speaking and giving a workshop). I’m telling you about it here because it is a touring show, and…

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5 Reasons Why Death and Divorce Are Not the Same Thing – and 5 Why They Are

By Jane Duncan Rogers | July 17, 2016

One day, about 2 years after my husband died, I was at a social occasion with a group of friends I’d known for a while. One of them was suffering the aftermath of a recent divorce, seeing her ex-husband on the arms of a younger woman around town.   “Sorry”, she said, looking at me…

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3 Non-Actions To Take When Anxiety, Grief and Not-Knowing Are Your Bed Partners

By Jane Duncan Rogers | July 8, 2016

Fear gripped me, like a vice around my guts.  I treaded water in the swimming pool in which I had arrived for an early morning dip, before the heat of the day became too much. My friend had called from the terrace rooftop of the villa in which I was staying in Italy, on holiday.…

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What Sort of Impact Do You Create in The World?

By Jane Duncan Rogers | June 22, 2016

Muhammad Ali made a huge impact in the world throughout his life in many ways, not just his boxing. But he also made an impact in his death too – he had stated beforehand just how he wanted his funeral to be. Not only did this mean his executor and family only had to carry…

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What’s with the Dead Flowers?

By Jane Duncan Rogers | June 16, 2016

A few weeks ago, I wrote a blog post that included the unexpected death of a local man by drowning in the loch just a few minutes from where I live. As I walked past the still, calm water again today, I saw these flowers. I’d love to hear some other perspectives on this, because I…

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BBC Radio 4 Womans Hour: short interview

By Jane Duncan Rogers | June 6, 2016

Listen in to me being interviewed alongside two other widows about what happens after you lose a partner. Just ten minutes long, it starts at about 18.08 minutes in. http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b07djtwn#play

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Can you help me spread a really important message?

By Jane Duncan Rogers | June 1, 2016

Isn’t this an idyllic scene? It’s where I often go for my early morning walks – the birds are twittering, the air is calm and still, and the vibe is full of the kind of possibilities that only exist at the beginning of the day, before the world of humans wakes up. (Yes, I go…

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Passwords – Keep Private or Share?

By Jane Duncan Rogers | May 25, 2016

In the UK’s Saturday Guardian, Adam Golightly writes an anonymous column (Widower of the Parish) recounting his challenges each week as a new widower and father to two children, since his wife Helen died in early April. This week, he faced another apparently small, but in experience huge, problem. The one of passwords. In my…

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How Mercury Retrograde, Communication and Death Come Together

By Jane Duncan Rogers | May 20, 2016

One of my coaches told me last week that Mercury was in retrograde. In spiritual circles, you often hear people talking about this – I don’t pay a lot of attention to this kind of thing but when referred to, in my experience it has always been about problems with computers, technology, phones etc.  You can…

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When Nothing Goes As Expected – What To Do?

By Jane Duncan Rogers | May 12, 2016

“People have complained about it.” “No – why?” “They objected to the coffin in the window, apparently”. I was amazed. “What? It never occurred to me it might be a problem”.  I, along with my colleagues Kate Clark and Karen Collins had organised a pop-up event to acknowledge national Dying Awareness Week in an empty…

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Pushing Up the Daisies event cancelled due to complaints about a coffin

By Jane Duncan Rogers | May 11, 2016

It is Dying Awareness Week in the UK at the moment, and I’ve had to cancel an event, ‘Pushing Up The Daisies’ that was planned locally. Why? Because members of the public complained to the landlord of the empty shop in which the event was being held. They were distressed by the window display, which included…

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Why did Prince not have a BIG conversation?

By Jane Duncan Rogers | May 3, 2016

  “Prince died without leaving a will” I read the headline online and couldn’t believe it. Surely someone with that amount of assets and complex life affairs would have taken care of this. But it appears to be true, as no will has been found yet . His sister Tyka Nelson had to go to…

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One Simple Step to Integrating Loss, Endings, or Death into Your Life Right Now

By Jane Duncan Rogers | April 25, 2016

Life, it could be argued, is loss made manifest. From the moment a child is born, there are moments of loss – loss of who they were as a baby, a toddler, a young teenager. It continues into older age, with loss of interest in what fascinated us when younger, loss of energy for some,…

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How A Pilates Class, Death, and Procrastination Lead to Relief and Release

By Jane Duncan Rogers | April 6, 2016

  “I want to get it done, I just don’t seem to get round to it.”   So said a client who told me that her will, which needed updating, had been sitting in her inbox for four years.   Four years! And during all that period, every time she looked at it, she felt…

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5 Things to Do Right Now That Will Save Your Family Headache and Heartache After You Die

By Jane Duncan Rogers | March 24, 2016

  Save your family and loved ones heartache after you die? Well, you can’t really, can you? They’re just going to be grieving over the fact that you have gone. But you can actually lessen that heartache – and certainly lessen the headache that is likely if they discover that you haven’t sorted out any…

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Before I Go: Facebook Group

By Jane Duncan Rogers | March 12, 2016

I’ve just set up a new Facebook group, if you are interested in exploring the topic of end of life, death, dying, afterlife – anything associated with coming to the end of a life and what that means for you. We’ll be exploring what a body is; what’s the meaning of being alive in a…

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Planning for the Death of a Loved One

By Jane Duncan Rogers | March 11, 2016

I’m delighted to say that Saga online magazine have published my article Planning for the Death of a Loved One today; you can view it here: http://www.saga.co.uk/magazine/relationships/bereavement/planning-for-the-death-of-a-loved-one

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Why An Assumption Is Your Biggest TripUp

By Jane Duncan Rogers | March 1, 2016

“The greatest difficulty is the mental resistance to things that arise, and the underlying assumption that they should not.” Eckhart Tolle Reading this quote right now, I understand why an assumption I had made was my biggest trip up. Basically, I had had such a difficult time accepting the fact my husband had died. Even…

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The Mourner’s Bill of Rights

By Jane Duncan Rogers | March 1, 2016

If you have lost someone, this list will really help you. The Mourner’s Bill of Rights by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D. Though you should reach out to others as you do the work of mourning, you should not feel obligated to accept the unhelpful responses you may receive from some people. You are the one…

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How Does One Prepare for Death?

By Jane Duncan Rogers | February 9, 2016

I’m part of a discussion with The Death Chicks on this subject, as one of their interviews in the Big Questions series, along with Suzette Sherman who runs www.sevenponds.com, a resource site for those in the USA wanting to know more about preparing for death.   We had fun!  Watch it here:    

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Why What You Say to Someone Who Is Grieving Is So Crucial

By Jane Duncan Rogers | January 28, 2016

“Everyone’s grieving is unique, and only luck helps us strike the right note in talking with the bereaved. ” So said Mariella Frostrup in last week’s Observer magazine. Yes, grief is definitely unique in it’s expression through each person. But do we really depend on luck if we are talking with those who have been…

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Grieving, Guilt and Letting Go: 3 Pointers That Help

By Jane Duncan Rogers | January 12, 2016

When your loved one dies initially, your world is consumed with thoughts of them. You expect that, others expect that, and while it is extremely painful, there is a kind of appropriateness about it all. After all, it IS painful when someone dies. But further on, what happens when you feel moments of peace or…

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5 Tips on How to Cope With Christmas When Your Loved One Has Died

By Jane Duncan Rogers | November 30, 2015

How to cope with Christmas?  Even the thought of it can be a nightmare when a loved one has died, and especially a partner, child or other person you were living with. I created this infographic as a quick way to help you with managing not just the day itself, but the run up to it.…

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365 Ways to Connect With Your Soul

By Jane Duncan Rogers | November 16, 2015

Connecting with your soul can be one of the most important things when you are dealing with loss of any kind.  Sometimes, it can feel the only thing of certainty in a time of massive change. But what about when you can’t find your soul? What about if you feel abandoned by it? What do…

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Death, Grief and Paris Attacks

By Jane Duncan Rogers | November 15, 2015

When something like the Paris attacks happen, the words ‘gift’ and ‘grief’ absolutely do not sit well together. They are not meant to. How on earth can there be a gift when someone dies? It’s not possible. In the moment, there is only shock (even if you have been prepared for the death), horror, tears, sadness,…

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The Ten Steps That Make Transition Easier

By Jane Duncan Rogers | November 11, 2015

Transition is a time of change and there are ten steps that are really good to be aware of when you know change is happening, whether it is change you have chosen, or you feel it has been foisted upon you. Changes show up in all kinds of ways – at work it can be…

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Trusting, Waiting, and then Taking a Step Forward

By Jane Duncan Rogers | November 4, 2015

We can relatively easily see that loss might hold a gift for others. But when it happens to us, in the face of unspeakable sorrow, pain or grief, it’s not so easy to see any gifts at all. In fact the idea just goes out the window as you feel like railing against life, are…

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3 Ways to Cope When Grieving

By Jane Duncan Rogers | October 14, 2015

No 1: Open Your Doors to All Feelings Imagine you are a house. Grief (in the form of fear, anger, guilt, sorrow, sadness, despair, you name it) comes knocking at the front door. The instinct is to lock the door and block up the windows to keep it out. But the feelings are so overwhelming…

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3 Tips on How to Cope With Grief

By Jane Duncan Rogers | October 14, 2015

This article, written by me, is published in the November 2015 edition of Natural Health magazine (UK only)     No 1: Open Your Doors to All Feelings Imagine you are a house. Grief (in the form of fear, anger, guilt, sorrow, sadness, despair, you name it) comes knocking at the front door. The instinct is…

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The Death Chicks Show – over 1000 views!

By Jane Duncan Rogers | October 9, 2015

This interview on The Death Chicks Show was good fun, enightening and inspirational, for me as well as the listeners. Watch it here or on You Tube.

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Can Acceptance Really Bring Freedom?

By Jane Duncan Rogers | September 22, 2015

  Rant, rage, stomp, fume, blame, criticise, complain, moan. So often this is what we do instead of accepting how things are. It’s as if that very action of accepting will condone the situation, or let someone ‘get off scot free’, or because we don’t know what else to do. Our society doesn’t help –…

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Could grief REALLY be hiding a gift for you?

By Jane Duncan Rogers | September 17, 2015

Queuing in the fish and chip shop in the high street of the small Scottish town where I live, I scowled at a man ahead of me in the queue. He was overweight, fiddling with his cigarette packet, and aged about mid-50s. What was wrong with that? Everything! How dare HE be alive, he who…

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Death Has Taught Me To Treat Life Like A Gift

By Jane Duncan Rogers | September 12, 2015

Great article published in the Daily Record magazine today, 12th September, 2015: You can read it here: http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/real-life/cancer-widow-hopes-book-experiences-6425582

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Scattering Ashes

By Jane Duncan Rogers | September 9, 2015

Scattering Ashes – here’s an excerpt from my book about what happened when I went to collect Philip’s ashes (and here’s a great resource for info on all things to do with scattering ashes in the UK: http://www.scattering-ashes.co.uk) Collecting the ashes I woke one morning and announced, “I need to go and get his ashes.” Having previously…

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Wayne Dyer’s death

By Jane Duncan Rogers | September 1, 2015

I met Wayne Dyer only once, many years ago before the internet, and remember his striking presence. I was so sad to hear he had died in his sleep just recently. His friend Anita Moorjani, sent out a beautiful piece on her mailing list about it; here’s an excerpt: Although I know, probably better than…

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What happens to my late husband’s digital life now he’s gone?

By Jane Duncan Rogers | August 21, 2015

I didn’t have to think about this very much, as Philip wasn’t online an enormous amount, at least not that I know of. Where he was, other friends took care of it, which I really appreciated. However, and especially if you are younger, this issue is a real challenge. Here’s a great article about it:…

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I am obsessed – with death.

By Simon Duncan | August 18, 2015

Ok, I hold my hand up.  I am obsessed.There is only one thing on my mind, it takes up all my thoughts, my creativity and my life at the moment. It’s not a subject that many people search for on Google, nor talk about in ‘polite’ (or even impolite) society. Nor is it even a common…

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Old Man Explains Death

By Jane Duncan Rogers | August 13, 2015

This blog post from Tickld.com is a truly beautiful story – uplifting, heartfelt and loving. http://www.tickld.com/x/old-man-explains-death-and-life-to-grieving-young-man When I read it I thought I could not put those words better myself, so that’s why I’m directing you to the link. Enjoy!

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What To Do When You’re Hurting Inside…

By Jane Duncan Rogers | August 5, 2015

If you’ve been wounded physically, there are certain things that need to happen to ensure the healthy healing of that wound. We know now that cleanliness in all areas around the wound are crucial to support the body in its brilliant ability to self-heal. So the person tending you needs to have scrubbed their hands.…

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Love, and go on

By Jane Duncan Rogers | June 16, 2015

I read this on a Facebook post a while ago; I’ve seen it before but it’s great to be reminded of this wisdom. It’s for a woman who has lost her male partner, but obviously you can amend it to read whatever is appropriate for you in your situation. You can shed tears that he…

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Letter to Dave Goldberg

By Jane Duncan Rogers | June 7, 2015

Dave Goldberg was CEO of SurveyMonkey and husband of Facebook chief operating officer Sheryl Sandberg. Sheryl wrote these words 30 days after he unexpectedly died, aged 47. They are immensely wise, courageous and moving. Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband—the first thirty days. Judaism calls for a period of intense mourning…

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Grief never ends…?

By Jane Duncan Rogers | June 7, 2015

  Grief never ends is a very common belief, but it’s not true. Grief changes, because when you grieve a loss you are on a journey, whether you like it or not. A journey is about travelling, learning, growing; making mistakes, discovering and exploring. During this you will be changing; you can’t help it. So ditch…

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Good At Living: Good At Dying (Sir Terry Pratchett)

By Jane Duncan Rogers | June 7, 2015

Sir Terry Pratchett, who died in March 2015, was fond of saying “it’s time we learned to be as good at dying as we are at living.” Watching Sir Terry’s documentary ‘Choosing To Die’ in 2011 was the first time I got really interested in the Dignity in Dying movement.  Sir Terry died in his own…

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Well of Grief

By Jane Duncan Rogers | April 28, 2015

Excerpt

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This Powerful Ally Is Also Our Biggest Fear…

By Jane Duncan Rogers | April 6, 2015

Written byNick Polizzi, Director, The Sacred Science The great Lao Tzu of the Zhou Dynasty (1046-256 BCE) once said, “If you realize that all things change, there is nothing you will try to hold on to. If you are not afraid of dying, there is nothing you cannot achieve.” If you were to rank the most prominent…

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Grief Ambushes – What To Do?

By Jane Duncan Rogers | February 19, 2015

The tears gushed out suddenly when I passed the cream cheese in the supermarket aisle. It was so poignant, seeing this cheese, which I no longer needed to buy, and yet which had been one of the few foods that Philip could eat in his last months.

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Has Someone You Know Been Diagnosed with Cancer?

By Jane Duncan Rogers | February 19, 2015

When you hear the word ‘cancer’ associated with someone close to you, it’s hard. The shock, even if you suspected it, can cause you to be clumsy with your communication. Disbelief is likely to stun you into silence. You may very well feel helpless. So what do you say?  How can you best help them? …

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